As a reader of HeatherBlog, you understand that the posts may contain statements of opinion, and you agree to not hold HeatherBlog or its writer(s) responsible for any hurt feelings, depression or irrational anger you may incur as a result of reading this blog. (See crybaby clause, below.) By reading HeatherBlog, you agree that you are here willingly and of your own volition, and that you are solely responsible for any thoughts or actions you may have as a direct consequence of reading HeatherBlog. (See limits of liability, below.) Further, you agree to hold HeatherBlog harmless for any damage or injuries, perceived or otherwise, you may incur as a result of reading this blog. Finally, you agree that you have read and understood the disclosures below, and you agree that they are in effect retroactively to the inception of HeatherBlog.

Attempted humor: Some of the posts on HeatherBlog are tagged “attempted humor,” but HeatherBlog makes no warranty, either express or implied, that these posts will actually be funny. HeatherBlog cannot be held responsible if readers fail to laugh while reading one of these posts. Likewise, HeatherBlog cannot be held responsible for any harm, physical or otherwise, that may result from laughing too hard (including, but not limited to, food items being ejected through the nose).

Attribution: It is HeatherBlog’s policy to give proper attribution to others’ intellectual property when it is quoted, embedded or linked to, unless it is impossible to determine the original author of a particular work (e.g., a video that multiplies like rabbits on YouTube).

Comments: HeatherBlog cannot be held responsible or liable for anything that some nutcase says via the blog comments, nor can HeatherBlog be responsible for any laws those comments may break (both in the U.S. and abroad) through their content, implication, or intent.

Content validity and accuracy: While HeatherBlog makes every effort to verify the accuracy of its posts, Heather is a lousy typist and sometimes mapes regrettagle nistakes.

HeatherBlog does its utmost to blog based on the latest information. But because new information is always becoming available (or being fabricated), it’s likely that some of HeatherBlog’s posts will seem comically outdated. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Copyright: All posts on HeatherBlog are copyrighted as of the date posted and may not be copied, reposted, or otherwise redistributed without giving due credit. The images in HeatherBlog are also copyrighted and may not be downloaded, reproduced or redistributed without express written permission. (That means “in writing.”)

Crybaby clause: Don’t agree with something you read on HeatherBlog? Walk it off, crybaby!

Disclosure of pay: Heather dreams of the day when someone will subsidize HeatherBlog’s content. Until then, HeatherBlog does not receive monetary (or any other type of) renumeration for its opinions and/or posts. Occasionally someone may post a comment, but that’s about it. (See comments, above.)

Do no harm: HeatherBlog’s intention is simply to comment on life as it happens by providing personal opinions and observations, and does not seek to injure, defame, or libel others. Statements found on HeatherBlog should be taken neither as facts nor as absolutes (in other words, with a grain of salt). HeatherBlog will not be held responsible if readers suffer loss or injury as a result of HeatherBlog’s advice and/or posts. (See limits of expertise and limits of damages, below.)

External links: HeatherBlog checks its links at the time of publication, but cannot be responsible for the subsequent accuracy or content of any URL. By clicking on one of HeatherBlog’s links, you implicitly agree that you’re man (or woman) enough to deal with whatever you may encounter (e.g., black mold, wildebeests or angry hornets), and you promise to not hold HeatherBlog responsible for any emotional, financial, spiritual or physical harm that you may incur as a result. (See limits of damages, below.)

International laws: HeatherBlog comes in peace. HeatherBlog is published under and protected by the laws of the United States and is not responsible for defamatory statements bound to government, religious, or other laws from the reader’s country of origin, and the reader assumes all responsibility for adhering to his or her local laws.

Language: HeatherBlog is published in North American English, but reserves the right to use words from other languages. While HeatherBlog makes every effort to be linguistically and grammatically correct, nobody is perfect. So if HeatherBlog posts a word that happens to be naughty in Hebrew—or uses a British spelling, or punctuation that is comically ambiguous—HeatherBlog cannot be held liable. HeatherBlog cannot be held responsible for any injuries caused by split infinitives or dangling participles. Likewise, HeatherBlog is not responsible for the accurate translation or interpretation of its content.

Libel and defamation: The opinions voiced on HeatherBlog are personal opinions proffered in good faith and are not intended to malign any animal species, religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual (especially those with highly paid, overeager lawyers).

Furthermore, the opinions voiced in HeatherBlog are personal views and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of any corporation, government entity, religious organization or alien life form.

Limits of expertise: HeatherBlog does not offer or claim to offer archaeological, astrological, astronomical, dermatological, financial, grammatical, gynecological, legal, linguistic, medical, neurological, paleontological, philosophical, psychiatric, phrenological, technological, urological, veterinary, or zoological advice. All content posted on HeatherBlog is published as a statement of opinion and is not intended to diagnose or cure any disease, especially impetigo.

Limits of liability: HeatherBlog cannot be held responsible for any thoughts its readers may have as a direct consequence of reading this blog, nor for any actions they may take.

Limits on damages: Because HeatherBlog is (a) a personal opinion blog, (b) published only for entertainment purposes, (c) protected by the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, and (d) written with the intent of causing no harm, HeatherBlog will not be held liable for financial damages or legal claims. If legal action is brought against HeatherBlog, HeatherBlog agrees to pay a maximum of $1 in legal costs and damages (including punitive damages).

Rodent incursion: HeatherBlog cannot be held responsible or liable if your home is infested by rodents of any size while you are reading HeatherBlog.