Burning down the house
As I get older, milestones become more important. Some of them — like birthdays — mark the passage of time. Others make me think about the future.
Today is one of the latter. On this day two years ago, I was told I have a brain tumor.
I’ve tried very hard not to let it be the thing that defines me, the thing that shapes my life. But the knowledge has changed me irrevocably.
In some ways, it’s been a gift: A little whiff of mortality can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Everything seems more meaningful and more poignant. Seeing what might kill me has made me feel more alive.
But in other ways, it’s been paralyzing. I’ve put off making some plans for the future. Every decision has come with a quiet but insistent bass line: “What if, what if, what if?”
I hadn’t realized until a few days ago just how much I’d surrendered to my fears.
The first wake-up call came via Skype. “I wish I could live in Europe, if only for a while,” I told my friend Jan. “So why don’t you burn your house and come over?” he replied.
The second wake-up call came over sushi. “I want to travel more and spend more time taking photos,” I told my friend Todd. “Sometimes you’ve gotta burn down the house and just go,” he replied.
And the third wake-up call came over the weekend, as I was trying to distract myself from a crippling headache.
“What if 2012 were your last year, your last chance at leaving your mark or doing something great or crossing out every item on your bucket list?” began the post at Olivier Blanchard’s BrandBuilder blog.
This has nothing to do with the Mayan calendar or the financial crisis, mind you. It’s just a simple what if question.
What if you went another year without writing that book you’ve been thinking about for a decade? What if you went another year without taking that trip to Paris or Moscow or Sydney you’ve been dreaming about your whole life? What if you went another year waiting to launch your startup? …
Here’s what I’ve learned in the last few years: There’s no such thing as the right time. All we really ever have is now. Now is the right time. Tomorrow is bullshit. Tomorrow turns into next year and then someday and finally never. Tomorrow and next year will be too late. Whatever needs doing, do it now. Today.
Early in my career, I wasted years – precious years – doing what I was told, trying to fit in and often playing it safe when every instinct in my body told me not to. You have no idea how much I now regret having thrown those years away. I lost so much time waiting for opportunities and “the right time” to do something, it makes me ill just thinking about it. Never again.
So the lesson here is simply this: Ask her out. Book that flight. Graduate. Take the job. Write the damn book. Get your funding. Finish that triathlon. Launch your startup. Carpe Diem isn’t a slogan on a T-shirt. It isn’t an abstract philosophy. It means get off your ass and do the thing that needs doing. Today. If it fails, it fails. If it works, it works. So what? Either way, the sooner the better.
That’s it. You have 365 days. Show me what you’ve got.
In other words, stop being so afraid and just burn down the house already!
Obviously, I’m not about to literally grab the matches. But I’ve decided that today — this bittersweet anniversary — is the best day of my life. And 2012 is my year to shine.
Make it your year to shine, too.
Filed under: Brain tumor, Friends and family, Psychology, Random thoughts, Travel | 46 Comments
Tags: Brain tumor, BrandBuilder blog, Jan, Olivier Blanchard, Skype, Todd
Wow… this is a truly inspiring story Heather!! Thank you so much for sharing this!!! I can’t even begin to imagine how I would react on such news… let alone what I would do from there!! (Is there really anything one can do??) I can think that the effect is two-fold… & I admire your attitude towards it!!! So go on….. burn down the house & just go!!!!
Will (obviously) be following you every step of the way!!! 
Good luck!!! 
**
You’ve just made my day. Thank you so much for your kind words — and for echoing my friends’ encouragement to burn down the house. It’s my new motto.
Take care, and thanks again, *so* much.
Way to go ! You’ve taken the right decision …Go foward and enjoy life !
It took me way too long (13 years) before I ask for divorce and start living for myself, just start being who I was really. Eventhough I have kids that stop me from doing what I’d love to do, like travel,
Congratulations and good luck for 2012 ! Hope to see you some day.
Thanks for your kind words, Crikette! And congratulations on finding the courage to ask for a divorce and reclaim your life. My best wishes for a very happy 2012 also — and I look forward to meeting you in person soon (maybe as soon as April or May!). Je te souhaite une très belle journée.
I have goosebumps, my friend! Now and here is the only thing we have! You are so right! Let’s talk again next year, on this date, and see what we have done with these 365 days. I mean it. Thank you, Heather! I mean this, too! A huge hug from Stockholm, g
Oh, Giusi … thank you so much. You are so kind, and such an inspiration! I hope that, by this time next year, I’ll have lots of adventures to report. (Who knows? Maybe I’ll even make it to Stockholm!) A huge hug to you, too. Grazie mille per tutti, cara amica …
this is so inspiring.. i wish you the best!
Thanks a million, from a fellow hermit.
Maybe this is influenced by my recent blogging, but your post just inspired me to come up with a line that I’m sending to you today:
“Each small difference you make in the world deepens the grooves of the mark you’re carving into the stone of history. Make yours deep enough to last.”
And you definitely do! Thanks for inspiring us all to LIVE a little bit more. It’s a lesson that’s way too easy to forget. Can’t wait to hang out in the spring!
Merci mille fois pour tes douces mots, Corey. What a beautiful sentiment …
It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the simplest lessons (like living each day to the fullest) are the hardest to master? I just feel lucky that I got a reminder of that lesson before it was too late.
I’ll keep you posted on the travel plans. In the meantime, I can’t wait to hear about your next Parisian discovery. Cheers to you!
Is it really two years? Two years that you and I have each spent on our separate journeys as ‘head cases’, on paths that finally crossed nearly a year ago. You have been supporting me on my road ever since, whether or not you know it. And I have been willing you on as you travel yours, over the exhausting rocky bits, through the dark woods and across the sunny fields. And what do you know, but here you are at exactly the place I am trying to reach! Thank you, Heather, for sharing this hard-won wisdom. I’m going to copy some of this down into my notebook and carry it with me as I try to live this year as if it were my last – or, less morbidly, as if it were the first bright morning of my world. Thank you for your inspiration. And I wish you joy on your journey! xx
I’m *still* heartbroken that your being a fellow “head case” is what brought us together — but I’m so grateful for your friendship, DB. There’s no way to thank you for the incredibly generous support and encouragement you’ve showered on me, both on good days and on bad. And there’s no way to convey what an inspiration you’ve been through your wise observations and your witty words. So … here’s to another year of healing for you, and of living to the fullest. And I promise that you’ll be the first to know if my adventures should bring me to Scotland! xo
Does this put you any closer to photographing Shantytown?
Much closer, Vincent. I’ve lost my fear of being out on the ice. (Especially if this ^%$#@ cold snap continues!)
Actually, the reason I quite smoking after 45 years on 11/02/2011, is that the Doctors thought I had lung cancer. After a trip to New York and a ride on the cat scan it turned out to be an infection in my lung. In that ten day period, I found a quiet peace that I haven’t had in years. I reflected on many things. My life,relationships, my children. I may have escaped for now, but at 62 there is no denying the certainty of fatality. Given no other choice, I embrace it..and all around me.
I’m so glad your scare turned out to be nothing more than just a scare Vincent — and that it compelled you to reflect and make some positive changes. Still … at 62, you’re still a spring chicken. I think you’ll continue to embrace life with your wonderful sense of curiosity and adventure for many, many years.
Thanks for sharing this, Heather. I only know you through your blog but you’ve been such a source of inspiration and admiration for me. I’ve loved your reporting and your photographs and, of course, want to see more. So go for it, girl! Burn that house down! (I love that expression.)
Today is really only all we have and we should make it the best today there is! Thanks for the reminder and the nudge.
I, too, have several things I’ve been putting off. Just yesterday, a friend asked about one of them and it was so embarrassing because I had to fess up and tell her I hadn’t started yet. Even though she didn’t say it, the why? just hung between us.
So, when are you moving to Europe now? Hahahahaha!!!
I wish you the very, very best, Heather. The very best to a very special woman.
Thanks for your kind words, Marcia, and for helping to give me that little extra nudge. I think it’s human nature to put things off (especially for me, the ultimate procrastinatrix!) so there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. But it’s also good to remind ourselves every so often that we only get so many days, and that we should make each of them count.
I’ll keep you posted on my ongoing attempt to relocate. Wherever I land, you *must* come visit.
Great post — and stirring words. … My one reservation about Blanchard’s post: I have no regrets for what came before. I don’t hate what kept me in place for so long. I had my reasons to settle in and grind it out. They were good reasons. They helped define me and shape me, and eventually helped me gain the clarity I needed to jump out when I did. But I highly recommend “moving to Europe,” in whatever form that takes.
Your reasons are powerful ones, but we all fool ourselves into thinking we have this eternity to fulfill our dreams — or just to expand our horizons. The kind of life required to “live the American dream,” whatever that is too high a price to pay, in my opinion. To work so hard, to fight so long for your four weeks a year (if you’re lucky) is no kind of life. At least for me. Now. At his moment.
I may rejoin the “rat race” at some point in the future. It’s quite possible. But it’ll be with my eyes wide open to what I’m giving up in the process.
My thoughts and good wishes are with you.
What wise words, Mark, and what an apt observation: There is no sense in ruing or regretting, because our pasts are part of who we are. Plus, most of us make the best choices that we can based on what we know at the time. You just happen to be one of the lucky (and smart) ones who realized that he was giving up a lot for those four weeks a year, and who decided to do something about it. I hope I have the guts to follow in your path.
By the way: It’s been wonderful to follow along through your blog. Please keep the posts coming!
Cheers from the frozen tundra,
Heather
I love it that you put that link to the Talking Heads’ song! Right from seeing the title of the post I had that song in my head, and all the way through reading the post until I clicked on the link, wondering where it might be leading!!!!! Great post – as usual. Maybe the whole year is worth it for that post alone…well, no, maybe not.
Aw, thanks, Brad! Next time I’m in Paris, let’s sing “Burning Down the House” together. (I still have a terrible voice, but I’m gradually worrying less about inflicting it on others. Ha.)
Thanks so much for reading … and especially for your kind note.
BURN DOWN THAT HOUSE, DANCE ON TABLES, SING LIKE NO ONE IS LISTENING, EVERY DAY IS A GIFT AND IT IS UNFORTUNATE THAT WE DON’T REALIZE THAT UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS TO CHANGE OUR WAY OF THINKING. MINE WAS CHANGED WHILE I HELD MY FATHERS HAND WHILE HE PASSED AWAY, AND THEN AGAIN WHEN I LOST MY FAVORITE BROTHER-N-LAW….IT HITS YOU LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. I HAVE ALWAYS FELT A STRONG BOND BETWEEN US AND VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP EVERY DAY, BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG VIBRANT WOMAN. BE STRONG & CARRY ON – WE LOVE YOU!
You always seem to know just what to say, Val. Thank you … and right back at you, you strong and vibrant and unbelievably creative woman! xo
The present is definitely a gift!!!…
With the developments/potentials of Nanotechnology and Biomimicry, I hope the future is way way extended for ya!
I’m not a checklist kind of guy, but thought this concept was cool:
http://www.joelrunyon.com/two3/the-impossible-list-is-not-a-bucket-list
http://www.joelrunyon.com/two3/the-impossible-list
I will borrow Mork’s farewell here…. Nano Nano
Mr. Gleva! So cool to hear from you here! I was actually thinking about the nanotech paper you sent me recently as I wrote this post. How ironic would it be if a dear friend’s research ended up saving my life? As I’ve often said, it’s not over ’til it’s over. There’s always hope.
BTW: Thanks so much for the link to Joel Runyon’s blog. He sounds like a real character — and a great source of inspiration. I’ll be following him for sure.
Hope this note finds you well. And Nano Nano to you, too!
I really love this post so much I am going to share it on my site. It speaks exactly to what my Personal Power Coaching programs and products are all about.
My book “The Best Thing: Making the Rest of Your Life The Best of Your Life” is a guidebook for everyone to finding the mindset and angle to see their life as The Best everyday. No matter what is happening.
You are so inspiring in your identifying with everyone else, cancer or no. I am very glad I checked your post today Heather! You are a wonderful writer and guiding light!
I can tell you that there are a couple of natural things you might try. Add iodine (inthe form of kelp-supplement or raw) and get some black tourmaline-bracelet is best & wear all the time, and covelite to carry with you as well. Both help the body to keep the cander from growing.
The very Best to you and your dear ones Heather! AmberLena
I am very glad you checked my post today too, Amber! Thanks for your thoughtful words … and especially for the iodine and tourmaline tips. I’d never heard either before; may just have to add them to the arsenal. Best wishes for much success with your book, and thanks for brightening my day.
Adversity causes some to break, others to break records. You’re an inspiration.
Your humor and thoughtful prose have been an inspiration to me, too. Danke schön, Ian.
I’ve come to realise that life is like a jig-saw puzzle, only with two important differences. First of all, we don’t get a picture to work towards; and secondly, the picture that emerges as we put each piece in place seems to change constantly. And to add to that, each time I find a piece that fits and triumphantly put it in place, I realise that the picture is bigger than I had thought it to be.
Our society conditions us to be achievement-oriented and we think of achievement (and therefore fulfilment) in terms of the milestones we set ourselves: writing that book, visiting that country, climbing that mountain. And we feel that we must achieve all those milestones before we die, even though we don’t generally know when that will be. But when we die, or when we have died, does any of that really matter? I suppose, if one believes in the hereafter, it does. But maybe even then, one could become too preoccupied with learning to play the harp to even think about what one did on Earth. What we have achieved in our lives often seems insignificant when compared with what we have not. And this is my point.
I recently attended the funeral of a former colleague who’d had her own modest achievements in life but above all was known for her generosity of spirit. She was the sort of person who, if I met her by chance, would leave me feeling glad at my good fortune in being at that place at that time. And at her funeral service, one of those who spoke about her life used a quotation from Albert Pike that goes as follows: “What you do for yourself dies with you; but what you do for others lives on forever.”
I felt that this was particularly apt for Louise because she had done much more for others than she had ever done for herself and never made a big deal about it. That was just the way she was. But I also felt that it was a lesson for me in my struggle to come to terms with the jig-saw puzzle of my life. Why do I want to publish a book anyway; or have my photographs exhibited in a gallery? Is that not simply because I want the memory of me to live on forever? Well, the fact is, I will never forget Louise; and she did neither of those things. She was just someone who was good to know.
What a lovely and thought-provoking comment, Xpat.
I love your puzzle analogy. You are so right that we often seem to get the full picture only as we near the end of our lives. You’re also right that richness of spirit is all that really matters in the end.
But for some people, publishing a photo book or making music or aspiring to be published is a conduit to that richness. After all: When we feel fulfilled we’re more able to give of ourselves. (Plus, if I hadn’t published that Paris photography book, I never would have met you!) So don’t knock your desire to publish or be exhibited. It’s a part of what you love — and therefore, it’s a part of you.
I’m so sorry that you lost a dear friend in Louise. Thank for you honoring her memory here.
It’s great to see so much support for this post. I’m sure this isn’t lost on you Heather, but next time you’re having a dark lonely moment, let these responses remind you that you have a team of fans from around the globe invested in your story and wishing you the best!
Oh, Corey … as if I wasn’t feeling loved already! I have a feeling I’ll indeed be revisiting the kind comments on this post the next time I’m having a dark, lonely moment — and yours in particular. Thank you so much.
Heather,
You are an inspiration to face such a challenge with so much resolve. After spending 30 years in a job I didn’t like, I wrote the following just before my 60th birthday:
———————————————–
MY STATEMENT OF PURPOSE:
I want my life to count. I aspire to reach the highest level of achievement my talents will allow. I seek to know God and, if possible, to know and do His Will, as that must be the highest level of achievement.
While I seek this knowledge, I will push the limits of my creativity to bring beauty, laughter, and comfort into the world.
I decide this day to focus on what I can achieve in the days, months, or years I have left. I put myself on notice that time is short and talents fade.
It is time. It is time. It is time.
–John Arthur Robinson, 08/04/09
————————————————
The following year I published a book and started my Mon.-Fri. humorous photoblog, TheDailyGraff.com (I have never missed posting on a weekday since it launched on Nov. 1, 2010.)
Life is too short to be crippled by “What ifs.”
–John
Thanks for your kind words, John, and especially for sharing your own “statement of purpose.” It’s a wonderful road map to making one’s life count. Well said!
This is one of the reasons why I follow your blog. It’s amazing how I don’t know you in real life yet your stories are very inspirational and they really do connect with me. I applaud you on your will power and hope for nothing but the best for you. ::two thumbs up:: for being an awesome motivator!
How nice to hear from you — and to know that I’ve repaid maybe a fraction of the inspiration I’ve gained from *your* blog. Thanks for the two thumbs up. Right back at ya!
Heather. I just signed up to follow your blog. I just discovered it tonight. I am looking forward to reading more for sure. And mainly I just wanted to say “Burn Down That House!” and “Go To Europe”. While you are there, kindly inform Austria that I shall return soon. By the way, there is a movie I watched that I loved a lot…it is called One Week. It is about someone in a situation similar to yours…so I don’t know if that is what you want to watch. But it is incredibly well done, touching and a wonderful tale about someone facing a challenging prognosis.
peace,
Charlie
Hello, Charlie, and welcome to HeatherBlog!
Thanks for your kinds words of encouragement. It’s wonderful to know that you’re out there somewhere, willing me on. Thanks also for the movie recommendation, which I’ll be sure to check out. Although it can sometimes be painful to see other people facing similar situations, there is also much to learn from seeing how others cope and carry on.
Oh, and I’ll be sure to give Austria your regards. Maybe as soon as this spring!
Peace right back at ya,
Heather
I’d never heard the expression “burn the house down”, but I like it. I like to think that I see life differently now after what happened to me. It sure makes “carpe diem” sound a whole lot different.
Speechless.
Wow! Just discovered your blog and how inspiring this message is. Well it is more than a year later and I’m sure you made it shine in 2012. May 2013 be your best ever.
Thank you so much for your very kind comment; you just made my day! As it turned out, 2012 wasn’t everything I’d hoped (navel-gazing blog post coming soon). But there’s always 2013.
Thanks for stopping by, and especially for your encouraging words. Happy 2013 to you!!
Danish Exchange, your name looks familiar…did you by any chance make your way here through my blog? If so, yay! I love introducing new readers to Heather, she’s one inspiring lady.
P.S. If you thought my photos were nice, check out hers!
Awww, Corey — you’re too much! Thank you. (PS: Your kickback is in the mail. Ha, ha!)